When I look back to my life, I saw I missed out a lot of opportunities that God had given to me. In fact, I didn’t appreciate some of them. Yet, He never stops giving me chance and loving me.. I’m very grateful about it.

But at the same time, I feel regretted. Where’s my determination by then? Where’s my self-control by then? Why couldn’t I sacrifice my time and vitality on something I once wanted so badly, which will actually help me on pursuing my dream?

I’m such a failure. This is what I felt.

I feel blessed in many many ways. And it somehow make me feel that I should be grateful with what I have already and stop asking for more. Which also means that I shouldn’t try to pursue my dream? Or I shouldn’t wish to be with my ture love?

I’m not sure whether this is right or wrong..

Maybe I can choose only one. It’s either my dream comes true, or be able to find my true love. This is what I think. I also think that we shouldn’t be greedy. In fact, we can’t. Because to me, when you receive something, you’ll surely lose something and you definitely can’t have both. This is life. And life is cruel.

But God exists to make our life better.

Yet again, I feel blessed in many many ways since I was born until now. No doubt there’ll be ups and downs in life, but we’ll just have to face them all. And I believe that a smooth and steady life can only make a person weaker, but a tough and rocky life can make a person stronger. And I’m sure sooner or later I’ll find my ways in Him.

Just because He is a loving God.

Should I..

I don’t know. I always knew it isn’t an easy road to travel.. never, without luck and the opportunity. At the same time, I often ask God if He has a better way for me? Or if He has already started preparing me mentally and spiritually to pursue my dreams? I don’t know. If I am to search for signs from Him, everything seems to be one to me. If I am to wait and see, everything seems to be uncertain to me. I don’t know.

I know that I should always put my faith in Him, that He’ll make a way and provide the best for me. But honestly, I am afraid. I can’t do nothing, if I want to pursue my dreams. I can’t pause my life, if I still couldn’t find any signs. Though it’s not a no returning way, it’ll be a huge disappointment and.. disappointment.

I’m struggling..

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

If only I have the courage..