Semester after semester.
One after another..
What have I done wrong?
Why me?

No, I do need answers.
I just need a way out..
This is way too much for me.
At the moment,

I just can’t take it anymore.

Life is never an easy flat footpath for us to just walk pass. There are rough, rocky, steep, slippery trails, just like life obstacles to hurdle along the way. Although the climb is difficult, there is a promise worth clinging on - the promise of eternity from our faithful God.

Difficulties increase the nearer we get to the goal - Goethe

The peak is the goal, but it’s the climb that brings us near the peak. Seeking God is the goal, but it’s life difficulties that bring us near Jesus. We might slow down and make pauses during our spiritual journey, just like making stops and taking a break during the climb. Life might seems so tough, as the road gets narrower and steeper, that we wanted to just quit and give up. But God wants us to endure the climb. Sometimes, he wants us to take it tree by tree, so it can be Him that enables us, so it can be Him that makes possible in every way of our lives.

During the journey, we couldn’t see the top of the hill. We could only have faith that the top was there and we could get there as long as we didn’t quit. Paul said in Hebrews 11:1 and 6, “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Without faith it is impossible to please God

..because anyone who come to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.” Faith is the foundation of our relationship with God. Faith keeps us going. Faith grants us strength. Faith gives us a fighting chance. Our climb will deliver us to the top, as long as we didn’t lose faith.

The climb also reminded me that Christian life, is all about relationships. In Hebrews 10:25, “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” We talked, we sang, we encouraged each other during the journey. Even when we were tired and wearied, when the sounds of heavy breathing replaced our conversation, we still hold onto each other silently.

We need each other in life

When we start to lose faith and about to turnaround, we need each other reminding that there is a promise worth to cling on, to see eternity approaching, just like the view from the mountain top, worth every step, every pain. I thank God for every single relationship in my life, that keeps me moving, continuing my climb.

One day, we’ll meet Jesus and tell Him with a big smile that,

We made it!

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don’t know
Is part of getting through
I try to do what’s best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in You

I’ll take what answers You supply
For You know better than I

Few days ago, I told my mum that I felt this emptiness, this something that was missing inside me. I couldn’t figure it out I didn’t know what it was, I just prayed about it. Few days later, I attended Worship Central and the message by Tim Hughes struck a chord with me straightaway. By then only I realized somehow somewhat there was this one moment, that I totally forgot about my dreams. I’m surprised.

Perhaps life itself is holding me back from moving towards my dreams; moved on but aimlessly. Turning me away from wanting to be different for God and this desire, this passion just slowly fading away. Perhaps doubt is playing its role to test my faith. Making me confused on what is right and what is wrong, questioning the answers that I had in my mind. Just so much more needs to be done to build and strengthen this faith, this faith that will bring me through not only my presence, but also be reminded of my past and most importantly, my future.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. — Hebrews 12:1-3

Fixing my eyes on Jesus is the answer of my prayer. Now that I’ve found the missing piece in me, I promise myself to hold on to my dreams and keep going from now onwards. This song just tells it all.

No Boundaries
by Kara DioGuardi

Seconds hours so many days
You know what you want but how long can you wait
Every moment last forever if you feel you’ve lost your way
What if your chances are already gone
Started believing that I could be wrong
But you give me one good reason
to fight and never walk away

Cause here I am still holding on

Every step you climb another mountain
Every breathe its harder to believe
You’ll make it through the pain
Weather the hurricane
To get to that one thing
When you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you’ve almost gave up on your dreams
Then take it by the hand and show you that you can
There are no boundaries

I fought to the limit to stand on the edge
What if today is as good as it gets
Don’t know where the futures heading
Nothing gonna bring me down
I’ve jumped every bridge and I’ve ran every line
I’ve risked being safe but I’ve always knew why
I always knew why

You can go higher you can go deeper
There are no boundaries above and beneath you
Break every rule cause there’s nothing between you and your dreams

Recently, I feel like as if I don’t know how to blog anything happy anymore. So many that I can share, so many that I can recall, yet, I just don’t know where to start. But once, just once something unhappy happened, I can easily put them into words.

Perhaps Aelyn was right. Perhaps pain does leave scars much deeper than happiness can erase. Perhaps painful moment does weigh so much, until it only requires one to overtake our happy times. Or perhaps, those happy times just weren’t happy enough to make a lasting impression like those painful moments do. Perhaps.

Yesterday night, I was trying to blog something pleased. Just the very next second some unwanted incident happened and stopped me, I didn’t know how to continue anymore. I just felt that nowadays, things just keep going on and on, and even sem break is not putting me at ease. But I’m ok. I’m fine. If God intended these things to be happened in my life, I have faith that He’ll bring me through and I can surely bear, because He will never give us more than we can handle.

I’m not giving up yet. I just need a break but not sem break, an emotionally break perhaps. Somehow I rather start my uni soon so that I can keep myself busy and have no time to think too much. I’ve been keeping my emoness to the minimum these days, and I would say that God has really brought me to another level of life within these few months. Both mentally and spiritually. Through family and friends.

Perhaps pain isn’t so bad after all. Perhaps painful moment is meant to be weighed that much, until it only requires one to make us strong enough. Or perhaps, painful moment does make a lasting impression so that we can always remember Jesus, who went through so much more than we can ever fathom.

Still balancing my life. Still staying strong. Still loving God each day.

I don’t understand why it turned to be this way.
I thought I’ve found the joy but now it’s taking it away.
I thought I could handle it but now it’s telling me otherwise.
I feel so discourage.

Maybe I made a mistake somehow somewhere.
I cried, felt upset and mad about it, but nothing changes.
I can only pray but I don’t exactly know what I want.
I feel so lost.

Lord, please be my guide.